Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I puked a lego.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
