Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I showed him my bush... on skype.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
