It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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