How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
