If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize