please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
