A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
