so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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