It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
