He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
