the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
