Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
