love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
