you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
