Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
