I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
