I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
