he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My penis needs a shock collar
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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