I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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