He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
