I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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