just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
