Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
