he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize