I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
