Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
