When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
