I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
