Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
