bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
