I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
