can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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