everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sext me about skeletons
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
