I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
