oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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