Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
