who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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