It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
foreskin is a definite game changer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
