He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
