No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
