No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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