When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
