I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
