is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
