You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize