this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
