So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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