I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
