Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
