Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
