i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
