I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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