Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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