When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
