i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
