1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize