I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
