why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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