I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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