Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
