So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize