I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
