I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His hands were made for my vagina.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
