so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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