one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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