i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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