I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize