Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
