and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
