I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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