EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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